Friday, July 10, 2009

{Princess 101: Learning to Swim with a Crown}


Beauty for Ashes Princess Handbook!

..and I thought God would just wink and make it happen gently with sparkles.
He smiled and whispered to my broken heart and asked if I wanted real? 
I said yes! I still say gently and bravely, Yes.
You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's 
hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Isaiah 62:3

Don't be surprised if I post a tattoo of this on my wrist. I might just need the reminder that 
I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. 
I am just sayin people!

Father in heaven, thank You for helping me and holding me in Your victorious right hand. I choose to trust You even when things don’t make sense, even when things seem beyond my control. I release my cares to You knowing that You work all things together for my good. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Long post and my apologies ahead of time, but it has been a while so 
I will give you more than you wished for I am certain.

Princess Lesson #01...
To walk this life through hard challenges gracefully you gotta learn 
to sink gently (or feel like you are drowning and gently let go into God's arms)
 before you learn to swim.

Meaning, no panicking allowed! 
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you…
I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and 
retain you with My [victorious] right hand…”
(Isaiah 41:10, AMP)


But sink or swim you gotta swim lest...... well, you know what happens people!

...I am just sayin!!!!!

I have been drowning as of late and now learning how to sink gently through hardship and learning to let go, to swim with ease, and thrive under water. It ain't easy. I am not going to lie to you and tell you it is, but learning much and my soul is changing for richer and for the better.
God has given me strength for each day when I thought I could not breathe, he reminds me to!

You see my friends, over the last three months much of my 
life has fallen apart in ways so very close to my heart to share, 
but BIG and one excruciating beyond words, oh my, YES.
Seriously, there are not words for this kind of pain. You know what I am talking about!

I had a hard time posting anything because it wasn't full of hope.
I want to bring hope to the world. But I hope you see that my being real and 
getting up anyway cut and bruised and falling into God's grace is a better kind of hope.
It is real and true hope!
I was broken and sorrow has hit in a way that is unexplainable.
There is grief there as if someone died.

Princess Lesson #2
• La patience est le sourire de l'âme.
Meaning.....Patience is the soul's smile.
Love that!
In keeping it real with you I have to tell you that this 
pain so deep that NO ONE still knows is there as 
I just slightly touch the surface of it and tell the world I am fine in order to 
shelter my heart from some black hole that is very real and 
where no color exists that I will be sucked into and never get out of if I go in there. 
But I have to go deep and find true! 
...and I am....
Princess Lesson #03
You can be Powerful or Pitiful but you can't be both.
Courage is an amazing thing when God is working it in us giving us the 
tools faith and his word (fin) to swim.
At first I was underwater and feeling like I was drowning and sheer panic set in. 
I couldn't breathe and my inner heart was screaming to God to lessen the pain! 
He did not, but told me instead to turn my face towards him and listen to his whisper.
He has truly held me in my tears. 
God is showing me through trusting him and his words
 that he will set me free and help me swim.

I have some AMAZING friends and a steadfast Mom and sisters standing on the edge as if my cheerleaders above the top of the water believing in me
that I can get through  this. 
They knew though to encourage and not reach in and grab me to save me 
lest I never learn to swim.  
I love these people with all my heart!!!!!!!

They realized I had to get to the bottom of me alone. 
That is where I would find the pearls and beauty of gems 
within me that are all that God created me to be.

I see them and am gathering pearls of wisdom and gems of riches in my heart!
Hard sometimes to do this and remind myself to breathe. But I am.
You can too!

Thank you to each of my family members, my best and 
most precious friends that have walked this path with me 
and helped me smile, given me some BRAVE or just prayed for me! 
I pray I bless each of you back with all the amazing and more you have given me!

I have seen glimpses of survivor girl kicking in with a
 GAME ON in my heart and I will make it through, be it just God and me.
Some moments not so much, but try to remind myself that I am BRAVE and
I will make it through to smiles again. 

Hope you see that for you too if you are going through something.

For now they are smiles in reflection to Christ. 
I think these are more true smiles, and better than my before 
smiles because they come from a hard place where lasting joy is found. 
Not comfort in laughter amongst a fiancé, family or friends.
I realize I am BRAVE in every way and tenacity in me shines when I am pushed to the edge!

Yes, I hate it that it takes that, but just being truthful.

I think it is when we realize that it is by God's sheer grace and wanting us
to grow in our souls and face the winds of change and smile in their midst.

Then to get the focus off ourselves and pray for others!!!!!!!!
That is when God get's to shine.
So, if I can pray for you let me know as that would be an honor for me and good for me too!

So please GOD, by all means I desire for you to SHINE BIG through me!

I worked over the last three months so hard and 
allow God really in there and promised myself I would walk in grace 
and hope and refuse to scream like a two year old and say, why me!

I did have a setback this week and felt grief like I have not in a long time if ever.

Yes, I did have one of those ugly cries that I could not breathe (Sadly once on a bench at the Avenues with my Mom as she sat and rubbed my back as tears fell. 
She loves me still even amongst all those people!). Gosh I owe her my life as of late!
I think you have to allow yourself moments to let go and grieve loss, 
but dust off and get faith quick, yes MAMM I will!

After all people, "Why me" happens to everyone in life, 
it matters how we walk it that is what sets our character and faith. 

Now learning how to be underwater and still breathe and flow with the water like the image above and possibly people do a little water ballet if I don't say so myself...or one day I hope to!

Anywhoo...

A very hard lesson for me an A-type personality control girl as myself to let God carry me. God is teaching me and pruning me waaaaayyyyyyy back to become a true princess in his courts. One that is strong and true and not fake. I don't want to be a fake for God or before anyone! So scratched ruffled and bruised I am the epotomy of this tattered elegance that is going from a caterpillar into a beautiful in my heart butterfly!

God will let you 
laugh again;
you'll raise the roof
with shouts of joy!
Job 8:21

“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!” (Habakkuk 3:17-18).

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart”  (Psalm 37:4, AMP).

The Conviction of My Heart Today

It's Time to Believe Again

It’s time to believe again. You may have situations that look like they’re set in stone, but everything you’re facing is subject to change. It is not over until God says it is over. Even if you’ve been praying for a situation for ten or thirty years, God is still at work and has an answer. We shouldn’t accept the difficult situations in our lives or unanswered prayers as permanent. Despite what’s going on externally, no matter how long things have been the way they are, decide to hope and believe in God. In the natural, things may look the same, but the scripture says in Philippians 2:13 that God is constantly at work in those who believe.

We need to have the attitude that we are not moved by what we see, but we are moved by what we know. We know is that the Creator of universe is at work in those who believe in His resurrecting power. Do you believe in the power of Almighty God? If you’ll remember how big God is and view every difficult situation as temporary, you will come to a new season of peace, faith and hope. God is always at work in those who believe!


Believing is an excellent thing! Believing amazing over you too!
No matter the sorrow, God is still good and will restore all the
amazing that the enemy has stolen!

Believe that with me for us all!


Images via: urchinrock (Isn't it amazing photography!)

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just know that I love your dearly and I thank you for YOU! Anthony

tara said...

Oh Sweet Girl, I am so sorry you are going through so much, but it surely sounds like you are working on all things, and knowing that you won't hit rock bottom as ther is always someone there to catch you before you fall...know that you are loved and adored. XO

Donna said...

Kristin, I had no idea you were suffering as you are always giving such inspiration to others. Continue to let God see you through this situation. You have all the right words just take them to heart and allow God to completely take you over! You are such a light my friend. You can do this! You have the strength of God the Almighty to carry you through!
My prayers are with. Many blessings to you!!!!
Smile:)

monamie said...

You are a beautiful mermaid gliding just below the surface in a flower filled, brightly lit, shimmering watered lagoon. Any moment you are going to surface and realize WOW! God made all of this for me to enjoy and take pleasure in. He wants to give me beauty for ashes and a crown of splendor! Any minute now, I can almost see the bubbles coming to the surface lovely mermaid :)

paige said...

you know i'm praying for you during this time. i hate that you have even had to go through all of this at all.....where is that magic wand anyway>!@?
you are a crown of splendor...already!
love to you

Simply Mel said...

I don't know from what your pain stems, but it is evident it is deep and raw. Your words in this post are beautiful and you are obviously climbing back up the hill and soon your courage will soar! Best to you...

LuLu said...

Deeply moved by your post of raw pain and sadness, so very sorry that you have to go through this. I must tell you that I am completely inspired by the spiritual love and elegance in which you are showing and the outpour of love you give to your family, friends and blog readers. You make me want to be better in all areas of my life.
Sending you love and well wishes,
LuLu

Lissa said...

Hang in there girl! God is working it out for good in you! Beauty for ashes, remember! Throw yourself onto his lap. Let him hold you, rub your back, rub your tears away. He is FOR you! He knows what will fulfill you! He wants you to trust him through and through! I think of Finding Nemo when Dory keeps saying, "just keep swimming... just keep swimming." You and God together! You got this! xo.

Queen B. said...

You are a true inspiration to others.
Thank You.

"And Jesus said unto them ... , "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to younder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you."
Romans 1:17

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Beth said...

I am here!!

Great lessons in your post...
Sending prayers and smiles to you.

Ariadone said...

I am sorry to read that you are so low. Please rest and sleep and eat well. Beautiful post with these photo's, real art.
Godeliva van Ariadone

Jeanneoli said...

You have touched my heart so deeply once again! I have not known sorrow and saddness like this...but life is life and saddness will come to me at some point. I only can hope that I will have your heart to keep believing when life is that hard. I can not imagine how many lives you have touched today by being so real and so honest. You already are a crown of splendor!!!

Stefie said...

Oh Kristen...

How it pains me to see the righteous forsakken...But truly, truly, the abudancy of life that comes through the shaking of ones foundation results in the abundant life that we all yern and desire.

You're absolutely correct, you can either trust that God has the best in mind for his children, OR you can believe that he doesn't...there is no such thing as both. Black and white...thats it.

As you have made it through every other trial in your life, so will you have victory by the grace of God through this one.

Blessings, prayers, and xoxo

Stefie

Farmgirl Paints said...

Hey girlie,
I knew something was going on. I almost emailed you several times last week, but got busy with vacation stuff. Just know you are on my heart and in my prayers. If you need to talk through anything I'm here...

charmaine said...

hi Kristin! i just want to say to you that i have been praying for you everyday. as i sit here eating a late breakfast with my mother and sister, they both quietly sit as i read your beautiful post. we find so much inspiration in your words. your words are so anointed, i can feel God using you. My heart goes out to you and i feel that it is my responsibility as your sister in Christ to keep you in my prayers. i don't know what you are going through but i am here for you. our God is amazing and no matter what we are going through, He will take care of us. i am so happy to here you submit to Him and let Him be God in your life. this is where we as humans usually want to take the wheel. but see, God knows His children individually and He knows what will get our attention to do His perfect will. it's not easy being broken by God, but He is always there, He never leaves us nor forsakes us. when we ask God to shape us and mold us, we better be ready, because it is not easy and it is always the truth. He conforms us by confronting us. either we can agree with Him or ignore Him. and if we ignore Him it shows that His word is not in us. i am so happy to see you trust God in your situation. He is using you through your pain to touch and encourage others. Even in our hard times God still uses us. He gets all the glory. we serve a God of restoration and truth (Joel 2:18-27) His Word never returns to Him void( Isaiah 55:8-11). i thank you because you have inspired me today as you always do with your precious word. as i am going through my own pain at this time, He has strengthen me so much through praying and studying His Word. i thank God for what He has done for me. i've learned that through my heart ache and pain He is all i need. i've learned to look to Him and not at my circumstances. i learn more about Him everyday. i feel peace that only comes from my Savior Jesus Christ, and His Holy Spirit always leads me into all truth. i pray every day that God's will, not my will, be done in my life. we have to desire His word, His truth, His likeness, His love to become more like Him everyday. i will continue to keep you in my prayers and i am so proud of you and your love and honor for our Heavenly Father. i pray that God will continue to use you and to work out His will in your life. you have such a beautiful Spirit. always remember, we have Victory in JESUS! thank you for sharing this beautiful post, and i do love the photography. :)

God Bless,
Charmaine

Kasey said...

what a beautiful post....
I don't know what you are going thru...but i do know you have alot of people that care for you!
chin up and i {heart} you.
xo

3 Peanuts said...

Kristin,

I am so sorry to hear of the pain you have been experiencing. I will pray for you. I am sop thrilled that you have rested in God's hand though...it IS the only way to get through..

If you ever need a good listener..I am here. I mean it....I am a counselor you know:)


Lots of love and prayers to you sweet beautiful princess!

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Amanda said...

Hi Hon. Since I first found your blog, I've been praying earnestly for you. I worry that everyday isn't enough. I share my prayers for you with others so that they may pray as well. Your blog encourages me so, and I never tire of reading it. However, I just noticed the outpouring of love for you within the comments. It is, in fact, you who should be encouraged, and I hope you are. May you feel as good as you make all of us feel...and better.
Amanda

Cristin said...

OK - I love your blog! What song is this playing? It's making my teary. "means to be love?" You'll have to let me know the artist. it's great - my hubby is telling me to turn it down :-)

xo,
cristin

Raining Pearls said...

I just found your blog the other day via Humble Pie. I truly beleive God brought me to the both of you. I am going through the hardest time of my life and the two of you are so inspirational. Thank you for your words, I know they are from the heart, I feel the same way. I know I'm not alone and I feel God is speaking to me through you andd Lissa. Your words are getting me through the day...

So grateful
Nancy