I have been drowning as of late and now learning how to sink gently through hardship and learning to let go, to swim with ease, and thrive under water. It ain't easy. I am not going to lie to you and tell you it is, but learning much and my soul is changing for richer and for the better.
God has given me strength for each day when I thought I could not breathe, he reminds me to!
You see my friends, over the last three months much of my
life has fallen apart in ways so very close to my heart to share,
but BIG and one excruciating beyond words, oh my, YES.
Seriously, there are not words for this kind of pain. You know what I am talking about!
I had a hard time posting anything because it wasn't full of hope.
I want to bring hope to the world. But I hope you see that my being real and
getting up anyway cut and bruised and falling into God's grace is a better kind of hope.
It is real and true hope!
I was broken and sorrow has hit in a way that is unexplainable.
There is grief there as if someone died.
Princess Lesson #2
• La patience est le sourire de l'âme.
Meaning.....Patience is the soul's smile.
Love that!
In keeping it real with you I have to tell you that this
pain so deep that NO ONE still knows is there as
I just slightly touch the surface of it and tell the world I am fine in order to
shelter my heart from some black hole that is very real and
where no color exists that I will be sucked into and never get out of if I go in there.
But I have to go deep and find true!
...and I am....
Princess Lesson #03
You can be Powerful or Pitiful but you can't be both.
Courage is an amazing thing when God is working it in us giving us the
tools faith and his word (fin) to swim.
At first I was underwater and feeling like I was drowning and sheer panic set in.
I couldn't breathe and my inner heart was screaming to God to lessen the pain!
He did not, but told me instead to turn my face towards him and listen to his whisper.
He has truly held me in my tears.
God is showing me through trusting him and his words
that he will set me free and help me swim.
I have some AMAZING friends and a steadfast Mom and sisters standing on the edge as if my cheerleaders above the top of the water believing in me
that I can get through this.
They knew though to encourage and not reach in and grab me to save me
lest I never learn to swim.
I love these people with all my heart!!!!!!!
They realized I had to get to the bottom of me alone.
That is where I would find the pearls and beauty of gems
within me that are all that God created me to be.
I see them and am gathering pearls of wisdom and gems of riches in my heart!
Hard sometimes to do this and remind myself to breathe. But I am.
You can too!
Thank you to each of my family members, my best and
most precious friends that have walked this path with me
and helped me smile, given me some BRAVE or just prayed for me!
I pray I bless each of you back with all the amazing and more you have given me!
I have seen glimpses of survivor girl kicking in with a
GAME ON in my heart and I will make it through, be it just God and me.
Some moments not so much, but try to remind myself that I am BRAVE and
I will make it through to smiles again.
Hope you see that for you too if you are going through something.
For now they are smiles in reflection to Christ.
I think these are more true smiles, and better than my before
smiles because they come from a hard place where lasting joy is found.
Not comfort in laughter amongst a fiancé, family or friends.
I realize I am BRAVE in every way and tenacity in me shines when I am pushed to the edge!
Yes, I hate it that it takes that, but just being truthful.
I think it is when we realize that it is by God's sheer grace and wanting us
to grow in our souls and face the winds of change and smile in their midst.
Then to get the focus off ourselves and pray for others!!!!!!!!
That is when God get's to shine.
So, if I can pray for you let me know as that would be an honor for me and good for me too!
So please GOD, by all means I desire for you to SHINE BIG through me!
I worked over the last three months so hard and
allow God really in there and promised myself I would walk in grace
and hope and refuse to scream like a two year old and say, why me!
I did have a setback this week and felt grief like I have not in a long time if ever.
Yes, I did have one of those ugly cries that I could not breathe (Sadly once on a bench at the Avenues with my Mom as she sat and rubbed my back as tears fell.
She loves me still even amongst all those people!). Gosh I owe her my life as of late!
I think you have to allow yourself moments to let go and grieve loss,
but dust off and get faith quick, yes MAMM I will!
After all people, "Why me" happens to everyone in life,
it matters how we walk it that is what sets our character and faith.
Now learning how to be underwater and still breathe and flow with the water like the image above and possibly people do a little water ballet if I don't say so myself...or one day I hope to!
Anywhoo...
A very hard lesson for me an A-type personality control girl as myself to let God carry me. God is teaching me and pruning me waaaaayyyyyyy back to become a true princess in his courts. One that is strong and true and not fake. I don't want to be a fake for God or before anyone! So scratched ruffled and bruised I am the epotomy of this tattered elegance that is going from a caterpillar into a beautiful in my heart butterfly!
God will let you
laugh again;
you'll raise the roof
with shouts of joy!
Job 8:21
“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!” (Habakkuk 3:17-18).
“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart” (Psalm 37:4, AMP).
The Conviction of My Heart Today
It's Time to Believe Again
It’s time to believe again. You may have situations that look like they’re set in stone, but everything you’re facing is subject to change. It is not over until God says it is over. Even if you’ve been praying for a situation for ten or thirty years, God is still at work and has an answer. We shouldn’t accept the difficult situations in our lives or unanswered prayers as permanent. Despite what’s going on externally, no matter how long things have been the way they are, decide to hope and believe in God. In the natural, things may look the same, but the scripture says in Philippians 2:13 that God is constantly at work in those who believe.
We need to have the attitude that we are not moved by what we see, but we are moved by what we know. We know is that the Creator of universe is at work in those who believe in His resurrecting power. Do you believe in the power of Almighty God? If you’ll remember how big God is and view every difficult situation as temporary, you will come to a new season of peace, faith and hope. God is always at work in those who believe!
Believing is an excellent thing! Believing amazing over you too!
No matter the sorrow, God is still good and will restore all the
amazing that the enemy has stolen!
Believe that with me for us all!
Images via: urchinrock (Isn't it amazing photography!)
